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HardyHeaven
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 02:25 am |
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Supposedly ...
Hyperbole? Did I gleen from another thread that your marriage ended in divorce? How did that go? Is it final yet? (if you don't mind sharing, that is)
Last edited on Wed Nov 19th, 2008 02:29 am by HardyHeaven
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If you don't know which God to worship, why don't you start with the one you've been lying to all these years? --A.A. Catchy Phrase #372
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AyHyperbole
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 05:28 am |
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HardyHeaven wrote: Supposedly ...
Hyperbole? Did I gleen from another thread that your marriage ended in divorce? How did that go? Is it final yet? (if you don't mind sharing, that is)
No, I don't mind sharing.
Really, it was just about the smoothest divorce imaginable. No kids, no inlaws living in the country, no shared friends, no significant community property other than a car, a bank account, and a cell phone contract.
It took about one tense week for her to move out completely, and the divorce was final two weeks after that. Took another couple months to transfer the car to my name and split up the finances.
And that was that. We still have seven months left on the cell phone contract, but it's not a problem to go to lunch once a month and hand her $40. And that works for us - lets us keep up with each other without risking getting too close again.
I won't say it wasn't emotionally tough, but really, the three months before the divorce were worse than the three months after. I feel like I'm pretty much completely through it, except of course that I'm having absolutely no success finding a girl to date who isn't carrying around a massive load of baggage. The jury's still out, but it seems that dating is a lot easier in one's 20s than in one's 30s.
And I'd like to get moving on that, since I still think it would really, really be nice to have a kid by the time I'm 35.
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Carol2
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 06:48 am |
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Ronda, good luck on Thursday and Friday.
Hype, have you tried internet dating? I don't know, seems like it might be fun.
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Joe Don Baker
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 06:54 am |
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Carol2 wrote: Hype, have you tried internet dating? I don't know, seems like it might be fun.
Internet dating was fun,...
till they started requiring criminal background checks. 
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AyHyperbole
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 07:19 am |
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Carol2 wrote: Ronda, good luck on Thursday and Friday.
Hype, have you tried internet dating? I don't know, seems like it might be fun.
Yeah, I've given it a shot. If I were in a larger city, it might work out. Not so much around here.
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Pastor John
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 07:28 am |
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Joe Don Baker wrote: Carol2 wrote: Hype, have you tried internet dating? I don't know, seems like it might be fun.
Internet dating was fun,...
till they started requiring criminal background checks.
Booo hooo!!! Poor baby.
Here's a nice toon for you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5Ts4M3irWM
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Cajun
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 01:34 pm |
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AyHyperbole wrote: Carol2 wrote: Ronda, good luck on Thursday and Friday.
Hype, have you tried internet dating? I don't know, seems like it might be fun.
Yeah, I've given it a shot. If I were in a larger city, it might work out. Not so much around here.
It's how I met my wife. We married less than a year after first writing to each other and have been married over three years with our second son on the way next month.
It can work.
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Mr. Belvedere
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 06:43 pm |
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| That's how I met Louise. We're still shacking up together.
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AyHyperbole
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 06:51 pm |
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Cajun wrote: AyHyperbole wrote: Carol2 wrote: Ronda, good luck on Thursday and Friday.
Hype, have you tried internet dating? I don't know, seems like it might be fun.
Yeah, I've given it a shot. If I were in a larger city, it might work out. Not so much around here.
It's how I met my wife. We married less than a year after first writing to each other and have been married over three years with our second son on the way next month.
It can work.
I suppose so, but so far, no avenues are panning out.
The only girls in the area who attempt Internet dating are generally those with insurmountable problems in their lives.
Bars aren't much better; the girls there are alcoholics and addicts, and one of them even stole my car - although, fortunately, my roommate's flying leap onto the hood prevented them from getting very far.
Work is no good, as all the girls are spoken for.
Church has a massive age gap between 15 and 40.
AA meetings are populated almost exclusively by older men.
They say that most successful relationships begin with introductions by mutual friends, but I have no friends who have friends who are unattached women. Well, I have one such friend, but all those unattached women are trying very hard to date him.
Maybe I need to start taking dance lessons or something. The problem there is that any attempt to dance I've ever made has been met by immediate rejection. When I tried to dance in the vicinity of my ex-wife, she would shake her head sadly and say, "Divorce."
How right she was.
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Carol2
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 08:00 pm |
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There is someone out there. Don't worry. Do you do your laundry in a laundromat? I hear that's a good place to meet people. If the church you attend (you attend a church??) doesn't hold any possibilities then visit another. There are lots of churches out there. Many of them have singles groups. How about a bible study group?
Don't worry about the dance thing. I don't dance either. 
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NorrinRadd
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 08:07 pm |
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Carol2 wrote: Ronda, good luck on Thursday and Friday.
Hype, have you tried internet dating? I don't know, seems like it might be fun.
Let us know when you decide to give it a try. 
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Merlin
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 08:12 pm |
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Hype, go to the laundromat or grocery store. Those are two places that real, relatively normal, women frequent often.
Last edited on Wed Nov 19th, 2008 08:26 pm by Merlin
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Cajun
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 08:15 pm |
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AyHyperbole wrote:
I suppose so, but so far, no avenues are panning out.
That's the way I felt for a very long time.
I really didn't start dating until I was 26, and I got married at 31.
Hypothetically, if I were to get divorced, I probably wouldn't be looking seriously, if only because I already have children and also due to my religious views on divorce. So, I'm one for commitment and reconciliation, even if I'm completely in the wrong, and even if it feels like "there is no more love". I think the whole understanding of what marraige is has gone completely out of the window, and thus we have such a rash of divorces across the board, no matter the ideology or gender. But that is a rabbit that I didn't mean or need to chase. If I were not married right now, I'd probably still have a difficult time finding the "right" one.
Interestingly enough, I found my wife right when I was in the process of beginning to accept my singleness. I began not to worry about it and left it in God's hands. Within a month, my wife found me... and she still teases me, I initially ignored her! One of my good friends who helped me move lamented that he too was still waiting and hoping, and feeling lonely, but he was further down the path to accepting his single life, and had learned to enjoy being single. I told him that watch out, God'll probably plop the woman of your life right in your lap when you least expect it. Sure enough, six weeks later, he met her. They've been married nearly two years.
Think of it as far as what you put into it. Go to a bar, you're pretty much going to get out of it what you put in. As hokey as it sounds, you're probably better off finding a mate either at a library/bookstore or the grocery store. My grocery shopping tends to stay pretty patterned. I tend to see the same shoppers and employees every week. Another possibility is getting involved in some sort of activity, whether it be sports or community service, etc.
And most of it is probably my wife's imagination, but she gets very jealous, believing that women are always trying to hit on me. For my part, I must be oblivious, because apparently there was one instance where supposedly a young lady was eyeing me up, and if it weren't for my friend and his wife who were there with me, I would have been none-the-wiser.
As far as online... don't go to the big-box ones like match.com, etc. I found my wife on a relatively unknown Christian one: http://www.loveandseek.com/
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HardyHeaven
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 08:24 pm |
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Hey Jon.
I'm glad your divorce went smoothly. Sorry to hear you had one, but sometimes it really is the best alternative.
I don't have any suggestions on dating. They say in AA to avoid relationships your first year, so that's what I'm doing. Our Alano club is a nice mix of women and men, and I do have a dinner/movie thing scheduled for myself for Friday evening -- just so I don't mope around and think about drinking. Commiserate or celebrate, either way, in the past, spelled time to drink! for me. Now I have to plan my potential commiserations or celebrations more carefully.
Hang in there. Give yourself time to heal. It does take time, I think.
Thanks for everyone who is keeping me in their thoughts and prayers for tomorrow and Friday. I'm off to the attorney's office to sign something they forgot to have me sign earlier. **sigh**
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If you don't know which God to worship, why don't you start with the one you've been lying to all these years? --A.A. Catchy Phrase #372
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AyHyperbole
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 08:28 pm |
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Merlin wrote: Hype, go to the laundromat or grocery store. Those are two places that real, relatively normal, women frequent often.
I would feel reallly awkward approaching a stranger who's out trying to buy groceries. I think some people would be really bothered by that. I don't like to bother people.
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Merlin
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 08:31 pm |
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It does take time, that's for sure. I didn't even date for 3 1/2 years after idiot split.
If you rush into a relationship too soon, you bring too much emotional baggage with you and that'll be a buzzkill even if you had managed to find the most perfect mate in the world for you. Nobody wants to spend dinner discussing what the other person's ex did to them.
When you can think of your ex and not love her or hate her, she is just some minor annoyance in your mind, then you're pretty emotionally independant of her and can go to someone else. Till then, you won't be dating anyone, you and your ex will BOTH be dating them in your emotions-- and trust me it won't work.
btw, internet dating can be pretty bad but it can also be succesful. I met Cathy online and we've been together 8 years this Christmas.
____________________
"Christians should go to church."
"... it would be better for her to tie a heavy rock around her neck and jump into the midddle of deep bayou than it would to lay a heavy guilt-trip on any of God's little ones . . ."
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Merlin
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 08:33 pm |
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The way you "approach" them is by either asking her a question about your grocery list or helping her pick up something heavy or awkward. Of course you can't stalk somebody around the store waiting to see if she's going to lift a case of water, but if the opportunity presents itself..... you know the drill.
Women still appreciate gallantry.
____________________
"Christians should go to church."
"... it would be better for her to tie a heavy rock around her neck and jump into the midddle of deep bayou than it would to lay a heavy guilt-trip on any of God's little ones . . ."
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Cajun
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 08:36 pm |
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Hype... as far as grocery stores are concerned... you'd be surprised.
I'm quite the introvert - though as I've gotten older, I've gotten more relaxed. A while back I was at a store in another town. I overheard two older ladies discussing what to make for dinner for someone, and were talking about making a gumbo but weren't sure what to buy to make it. Well, me being the Cajun snob my wife says I am, I butted in and offered my opinion and recipe for a simple chicken and sausage gumbo.
As I walked away and down the isle I was originally intending to peruse, a lady stops me and states that she'd overheard me talking about cooking and began to ask me questions on some particular food items I can't recall.
The ladies had no designs on me, and I had none on them, but it's easy to just blurt out something every now and then. You might be surprised, even if it's only to comment on how good some fruit or vegetable looks, or how the weather is.
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Prince Frederic von Anhalt
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 08:52 pm |
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Cajun wrote: The ladies had no designs on me, and I had none on them, but it's easy to just blurt out something every now and then. You might be surprised, even if it's only to comment on how good some fruit or vegetable looks, or how the weather is.
This always works for me: "Look at the size of that forking cucumber,....
hey ya wanna fork?"
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AyHyperbole
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Posted: Wed Nov 19th, 2008 09:02 pm |
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Merlin wrote: The way you "approach" them is by either asking her a question about your grocery list or helping her pick up something heavy or awkward. Of course you can't stalk somebody around the store waiting to see if she's going to lift a case of water, but if the opportunity presents itself..... you know the drill.
Women still appreciate gallantry.
I don't have any problem with lugging around big bottles of water, but then when we get to her car, I'd still have to ask her for a phone number.
And that would be awkward. So awkward, in fact, that I wouldn't do it.
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